Aunt x 2

                                                       Found out the other night that..

                                          this little boy is going to be A BIG BROTHER!!!

                                              Which means I get to be an Aunt x 2!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

A Sad Goodbye

Maddie crossed over the Rainbow Bridge November 20th around 3:30 pm. After talking to the vet about our options we decided that it would be best to let her go as trying to save her would only extend her pain. We found out that she had a rare form of cancer and it had just spread to far to contend with it. The surgery just took to much out of her. Now I'm left with guilt. I feel so bad that her life had to be a live and learn moment for me. But, here we are knowing what we know now and missing her so much. For those of you who are not dog lovers I'm sure it may sound crazy that we loved this dog so much. But, she was MORE then a dog...she was a constant part of my life for almost 11 years. She was two years older then Paytin and in a way our first baby. It hurts just as much as having any person close to you die...if not more. There is only love for a dog...you do not get caught up in all the human emotional drama with them. Only love and only good times...

Before we talked to the vet they brought her out to us saying "Maddie your people are here!"

Out she ran... right to us. She looked pretty good after being on IV's again for the last 48 hours. That's what made the whole thing even harder. She still wasn't 100% but for sure a lot better then she was on Sunday! Given the advice of the doctor the day before though we knew we were most likely saying our last goodbyes. We took her outside and and Paytin and Avary sat petting her on the ground. One of the most bitter sweet moments I've ever experienced. I bawled, the kids bawled... heck we all did. We all told her why we loved her and how much she meant to us.

The vet was ready for us and she explained to Daniel what the other had told me the night before. It had just spread to far...her Kidneys are already failing and she has maybe days at best a few weeks on her own. She was in pain and the only way to keep her going that long would be to keep her there on IV's. We knew what we had to do no matter how much I didn't want to. The vet said she would give us as much time as we needed and to just open the door a crack when we were ready.

Paytin immediately started telling Maddie about the Rainbow Bridge poem that I read them the night before and how she knew that when she was old and ready to go home Maddie would be there waiting for her. GUT. WRENCHING.

Avary took pictures with Daniels cell phone and hugged on Maddie.

Daniel tried to be strong but Im not sure how successful that was.

I broke down thinking in fast forward of moments from the last 10 and a half years.

After a long while we opened the door and the girls went to the car with Daniel. I stayed. I couldn't and wouldn't not be there for her. I told her everything I couldn't say in front of the girls. I thanked her for looking after the girls and treating them as her own "babies" I also told her how sorry I was for it having to end this way. I stayed stroking her head till the end tears flowing.

Now.. she is gone.

Its been a week today. We still cry and sometimes forget it ever happened and call her name. I think its the hardest on the girls. They never knew life without her. Thursday I hope for closer as we get to bring her ashes home.

Love your pets everyday. Hug them everyday. Sometimes life speeds things up faster then you ever thought it would.



Thank  You Maddie For Everything

Here are some pictures of Maddie through the years

Maddie

I might...no I am losing my mind tonight. First let me just say I love this dog. She's the best dog a family could have. She's been with us for almost 11 years and not one time have I ever not loved it. I picked her out of a litter of puppies for sale in early July of 2002 at a campground. Daniel and I had been together for a year and both of us being dog lovers couldnt resist her. I picked her because she looked like a teddy bear and she had sweet eyes. She was heaven from the start. She gave me no problems "potty training" and became pretty spoiled from the start sleeping in bed with us. The only thing she ever did do "wrong" was chew just one of my shoes (today it makes me smile) She is our first baby. The tears...God this is killing me! Daniel taught her to hunt and she LOVED it. Then Paytin came along and her hunting days ended. She loved Paytin just as we did. Where Paytin was thats where she was. She puzzled over her crying and got on my case if I didnt get to Paytin as soon as she would have liked. Those are some GOOD GOOD memories. She was the same with Avary...her love only expanded. I belive that she loves every pull and tug and well meaning play date that she has ever had with our girls.

So, the reason I am losing my mind. She is sick. I'm not sure she will make it. I'm not ready and the tears will not stop. We thought she had a UTI and took her to the vet. After 5 days the pills were not working. So we took her back. They did and x-ray to see what was going on. It was Pyometra which is a uterine infetion. Which, if not treated and removed is most often fatal. With heavy hearts we did what we thought was best. She came through the surgery like a champ. Stayed 3 days at the vets getting stronger. Friday she got to come home. She with a little help jumped into the car. Sat up as we pulled in the drive and we all felt so good haivng her home. Friday night however she was restless. Up and down all night like she couldnt get comfy. Saturday she never moved and still wouldnt eat. We offerd water every half hour which she would take and kept down most of the time. Sunday...worse yet. So she went back to the vet tonight. He didnt seem to offer much hope...just said we can try iv's and more antibiotics and time. I pray this works...it has to work. So knowing how much our family loves and needs this dog....if you could pray for us, we need it!

Pumpkin Carvin 2012

Old Fashioned School House

Ok, so I have to admit here that the kids were excited about this field trip but, not as excited as me! When I found out about this one I had a hard time containing my excitement! I LOVE the crap out of history. Paytin does as well. My next thought...we have to get the dresses. I found them on ebay for okay prices. More than I wanted to spend but not totally crazy. It made for a very fun day with lots of memories made.

How We Met

This is our "first picture together" although we hadnt met yet LOL. I find it fun that I have this photo...I mean really how many people have a picture of them with their friends on the very day they totally pledge to give up trying to find a decent man ...then boom he's in the picture? well I guess I HAVE that picture! It all started June 23, 2001, I was a personal attendant at a friends wedding along with my friend Rene (also in the picture ;) ) Not two hours before this wedding I said to her...I give up...DONE...tonight is about fun! *Guess when they say "When you give up it will happen" they (whoever they are) mean it! Anyway...fast forward 4 hrs later we are waiting for this wedding to kick off I keep seeing this guy...totally by accident too...no really I mean it ;) I tried to work up the courage to go talk to him about 20 times... Just couldnt get it done... So fast forward to the wedding dance....my friend Richard (the guy in the middle of Rene and I in the picture) owes me a dance...cant remember why that is but I know it to be fact... anyway to get "rid of me" he says hey you two (Daniel and I) dance together. The rest is history...

E's First Birthday Party

First Communion

Free Expression