A Sad Goodbye

Maddie crossed over the Rainbow Bridge November 20th around 3:30 pm. After talking to the vet about our options we decided that it would be best to let her go as trying to save her would only extend her pain. We found out that she had a rare form of cancer and it had just spread to far to contend with it. The surgery just took to much out of her. Now I'm left with guilt. I feel so bad that her life had to be a live and learn moment for me. But, here we are knowing what we know now and missing her so much. For those of you who are not dog lovers I'm sure it may sound crazy that we loved this dog so much. But, she was MORE then a dog...she was a constant part of my life for almost 11 years. She was two years older then Paytin and in a way our first baby. It hurts just as much as having any person close to you die...if not more. There is only love for a dog...you do not get caught up in all the human emotional drama with them. Only love and only good times...

Before we talked to the vet they brought her out to us saying "Maddie your people are here!"

Out she ran... right to us. She looked pretty good after being on IV's again for the last 48 hours. That's what made the whole thing even harder. She still wasn't 100% but for sure a lot better then she was on Sunday! Given the advice of the doctor the day before though we knew we were most likely saying our last goodbyes. We took her outside and and Paytin and Avary sat petting her on the ground. One of the most bitter sweet moments I've ever experienced. I bawled, the kids bawled... heck we all did. We all told her why we loved her and how much she meant to us.

The vet was ready for us and she explained to Daniel what the other had told me the night before. It had just spread to far...her Kidneys are already failing and she has maybe days at best a few weeks on her own. She was in pain and the only way to keep her going that long would be to keep her there on IV's. We knew what we had to do no matter how much I didn't want to. The vet said she would give us as much time as we needed and to just open the door a crack when we were ready.

Paytin immediately started telling Maddie about the Rainbow Bridge poem that I read them the night before and how she knew that when she was old and ready to go home Maddie would be there waiting for her. GUT. WRENCHING.

Avary took pictures with Daniels cell phone and hugged on Maddie.

Daniel tried to be strong but Im not sure how successful that was.

I broke down thinking in fast forward of moments from the last 10 and a half years.

After a long while we opened the door and the girls went to the car with Daniel. I stayed. I couldn't and wouldn't not be there for her. I told her everything I couldn't say in front of the girls. I thanked her for looking after the girls and treating them as her own "babies" I also told her how sorry I was for it having to end this way. I stayed stroking her head till the end tears flowing.

Now.. she is gone.

Its been a week today. We still cry and sometimes forget it ever happened and call her name. I think its the hardest on the girls. They never knew life without her. Thursday I hope for closer as we get to bring her ashes home.

Love your pets everyday. Hug them everyday. Sometimes life speeds things up faster then you ever thought it would.



Thank  You Maddie For Everything

Here are some pictures of Maddie through the years