The Course of a Day

Sometimes, a day can hold infinite possibility and sometimes a day can hold what seems like every test there is for you to prove what you are made of. Today was that of the latter. 

Today I woke up full of hope. I took a leap of faith and after sporting more gray hair than a woman of 30 should for the last month, I had my good friend and cosmetologist dye it. I came back "home" made a call confirming that Paytins First Communion dress would be in the week before her communion. Called the seamstress because it will in fact be in next week.

 I then made a call I had been dreading, to our Priest. Not because I don't like to talk to him but because it was a call for help. I admit it I'm a person who has a BIG problem asking for help. Big! It almost makes me sick to have to ask for help from others. I like to know we can and are independent and can do it on our own. Life on the other hand likes to teach you otherwise..

 A moth or so ago, Fr Danner had offered some of what the church had left in the tornado funds to help with any bills we may have. I thought about it and then dismissed the idea, trying to talk myself into the fact that someone somewhere needed that money more than us. The weeks that have followed have proven me wrong. Thats another thing I dont like to be...wrong! So I choked back my pride and called. Father said to come on up. Against my pride I went. I talked. I cried and I excepted...help. For a few minutes I felt a lot better. Like wights had been lifted off my shoulders.

 Then I got in the car. Daniel had called me four times. I hoped to hear we could pick up a check. Instead I heard no check. The person who lined up the work obviously needs some prayers of his own. I guess I will never for the life of me understand how people can be so unkind to others. But, it happens. I have a large panic attack and drive up and down the streets of this town many times. Thinking, praying and cursing. I end up at the one place I've forever felt safe...my first home, Mom and Dads.

 Setting in their kitchen I manage to get control of myself. Mom arrives home and I fill her in. I think she thinks maybe Im made of bad luck? Kidding...I think. Awhile latter Dad arrives. Calls it a bunch of bull and tells me what he would do.

 Supper. Excepting more help. 

We head "home" 

 Relax and talk to my husband rationally for a bit. 

Avary and I head to my mother in laws to let out her dog. We stay a bit longer then normal in the quiet house that used to be so full of the constant rattling of the mouth of my Father in law. On the way out the door Avary loses it. Its the first time this poor baby has cried, REALLY cried over he Roll Roll Papa. "Mommy I miss him" is all she can say over and over. Then she admits to more guilt then I know she can possibly comprehend "I shouldn't have said I didn't want to go see him" she cries. We talked and cried together for a long time.

 In that moment with her I was shocked back into what really matters. Its not houses, or money, excepting help, or mean people...its LOVE. Love that bonds those who truly care about one another through time and space. Love never ends and sometimes love is all you need to hang onto no matter how bad things get. After all how lucky am I...

VERY :)